Asking the Wrong Question or Asking the Question Wrong
Tell me if this has ever happened to you. You ask a friend, “Do you know what time it is?” And, just to be a jerk, he answers, “Yes.”
Not only have I had this happen with a human friend, I’ve had this happen with my horses. When, I was learning to work with horses at liberty in a round pen, I could get my horse, Cody, to trot around the pen, but I could not get him into a canter. I would swing my rope at Cody’s hind end. Instead of going faster, he would turn and face me, then come in to the middle.
Stupid horse. Get back out there, and CANTER! Cody would go into a trot, I’d ask again for more speed and he would come back in.
An old cowboy watched me do this four or five times as I got more upset at my horse. He asked me to stop a minute and bring my horse into the middle.
“Yeah, what?” I was not very polite. And pissed off at my stupid horse.
“If you’re not getting the answer you want, you’re either asking the wrong question, or you’re asking the question wrong.”
“Huh?” I hadn’t really calmed down enough to hear what the cowboy was saying.
“What did you want that horse to do?”
“Get up into a canter.”
“And when you applied pressure toward hind end, what did he do?”
“He came in toward me.”
“That horse was doing exactly what you told him to do.”
The wheels started clicking in my brain, but I just stared back.
“When you apply pressure to the hind end, you are telling him to move it away from you. You are asking him to face you. And his momentum carries him right into the center of the circle. He’s doing just what you ask, and you are getting upset at him. Is that fair?”
This was one of those times when I was grateful for the infinite capacity of horses to forgive. The old man was right. I was being unfair. I put my nose into Cody’s mane and whispered an apology. When both Cody and I calmed down, the old man asked me to send Cody back out at a trot.
“Now, this time, instead of sending pressure right toward his hind end, send that pressure way out behind him, about a quarter of the round pen behind him.”
I swung my rope gently about 90 degrees behind Cody on the circle, and he quickly picked up a canter. Light and easy.
“Slow him to a trot by applying pressure way out ahead of him.” I did and he did.
For the next few minutes, I learned to communicate with my horse with the lightest of cues. I could get him to speed up and slow down. Walk, trot, canter. Canter, trot walk. When I wanted him to come in, about all I had to do was look at his hind end, and he happily trotted in to me.
So my friend was being a jerk when he answered my time question literally. He knew what I meant, but Cody didn’t. He was doing exactly what I asked. With my too logical friend, I had asked the wrong question. It should have been, “What time is it?” With Cody, I wanted to ask him to speed up, but I asked the question wrong. Either way, I have to be responsible for the question, and expect an accurate answer.
Even if my friend IS being a jerk.
