Ask Quietly, Listen Carefully
One day I was teaching Sharkie, a Percheron/Appaloosa cross mare, how to drop her head on command. If a horse mistrusts you, she will keep her head high. As you develop more trust, she will relax and drop her head more readily. While I was trying to teach Sharkie this task, she taught me an important lesson about asking quietly and politely.
My goal that day was actually to prepare Sharkie for the farrier. She needs to be able to lift her feet and stand quietly while the farrier trims her. In between working with her feet, I would do other tasks so that the whole session is not just about her feet. The variety help keeps her mind busy and not focusing on one task.
I was asking Sharkie to drop her head by applying pressure with my thumb and forefinger on top of her head between her ears. When she dropped her head, even a little bit, I would release the pressure to tell her she made the right move. I noticed that she would drop her head on command, but would bring it right back up. I acknowledged that, but didn’t pay a lot of attention because the feet were my main point of interest for the day.
Late that evening, I wandered out to the paddock just to be with the horses. I often do that just to feel their warm breath and share some quiet time together. Remembering the problem with head dropping, I figured I would make a game with it. I applied the lightest possible pressure between her ears. When she moved down, I rubbed her and tried again.
Sharkie was suddenly into the game. Her demeanor changed from “Yeah? Whaddaya want?” to “This is interesting. What are we doing?” She changed because I changed from telling her to asking her. And we played together to see how lightly I could ask and get a response. Soon, Sharkie was dropping her head to the ground and keeping it there with just a slight suggestion from me.
I am sure that there are a lot of leaders who don’t realize that they are shouting at their followers. I was asking Sharkie with what I thought were polite requests, but she was getting defensive. By bouncing her head back up, she was telling me as much, but I wasn’t listening. It may be harder to detect that reaction in people, but a good leader will know when to slow down and communicate more quietly. His followers will return the favor by paying more attention, responding more quickly, and appreciating the better leadership.
Hi Jay, my company’s tagline is “to change what they do change how you think” and you just proved our point:)
What a wonderful reminder how asking gets us further than telling. Humans and animals respond to kindness in a positive way. Great article.
I have the same findings with my two dogs (Danish Swedish Farm Dogs) that is to say, they are much more responsive with eye contact and rubbing/stroking as part of the resting between activies. I find that one can read their facial expression and body language better with practice. They are very good at reading mine, so I am determined to learn thiers. 15 years with cats and I thought they were the only animals who could be understood
. Training/teaching cats is a joy, but this is turning out to be every bit as wonderful. Thanks for taking time to inspire with the story about Sharkie.
Very nicely done. so simple yet it is good to get those reminders and very timely for me. i need to learn to ask my young palomino to accept the bit and move from my inside leg to my outside rein wiht out yelling.
thank you
Sherie,
I find it amazing that I have to learn the same lessons over and over. I KNOW that I have to be soft, but like Three Dog Night says it’s “Easy to Be Hard.”
Further, when I reach a level of softness, I tend to think. “This is it. I’m as soft as possible.” Yet, there is always another layer of subtlety and softness to peel back. It’s a wonderful part of this journey of horsemanship.
jay